The Waiting and Wanting of Adoption

By Hilda Spann

The hardest thing about adoptions is "waiting" and "wanting." It is a beautiful thing to want to have children. It is hard thing to want them and yet have an empty nest. It's hard to wait.

Like many people, I started the adoption process after the failure of infertility treatment. Infertility treatment was another "waiting" and "wanting" process. The fact that we always considered adoption a happy alternative didn't make it any easier to go through drug side- effects and procedures. Also it entailed getting my hopes up month after month only to have them dashed. It is a grueling, draining process and I was so glad when we stopped trying and moved into the adoption process.

I know I was tired of "waiting" and "wanting" but I had to get myself geared up for another waiting process with the adoption. But this time the "waiting" and "wanting" was an entirely different experience. It was an experience with hope. It was a "waiting" and "wanting" which, this time, was based on the knowledge that "yes! at some point in the future I will be a parent." I was expecting!

The great thing about the adoption "waiting" and "wanting" process was that it could be public in a way infertility treatment never could be. Once I started pursuing adoption, I could tell my church family and have their prayers. I could tell my neighbors and colleagues and be surrounded by support and encouragement. I wasn't the only one "expecting." My parents and siblings and best friends were all filled with anticipation.

Crowdfunding did not exist at the time I adopted my two beautiful boys* but I personally had a crowdfunding experience just last year. I had a crisis and needed a new roof immediately or have the ceiling leaking and filling with mold. I cannot emphasize enough how much love and hope I felt coming from people through their donations and kind words during my crisis.

Adoption is sort of a "crisis" if you go back to the Greek source of the word "Kairos." "Kairos" means a time rich with opportunity. It means "an opportune time." Adoption is a time when opportunity is going to come your way and bring you great things. Among the great things coming your way is the support of people who want to see you become a parent and help you have a debt free adoption . Fundraising involves waiting too. However, as gifts come in you are going to feel so much love and receive so many good wishes that the waiting will be less difficult.

I experienced ups and downs with the "waiting" and "wanting" of the adoption process. It was hard to hear stories of children out there who needed a home but I was still helpless to make that happen. It pulled at my heart to be told by the adoption agency about a baby and then have the birth mother pick another couple just based on their age. Another time, a set of twins became available but, in the same week we first heard about them, one developed a head bleed that meant she would never walk. The agency wanted these girls placed with a couple with medical experience. Nonetheless, it was so much easier weathering these disappointments because I was surrounded by prayers and support. I hope you find the strength, patience and love to get through this waiting and that Continue to Care helps you find the resources you need. I hope at the end of your adoption story is an end to "wanting" and the joy of parenthood.

*I adopted a sibling group of two brothers in 1992 through Children's Home Society. They are fine young men now, working hard and being creative and resourceful. You can read more about me at my personal website www.lovelossandlistening.com